baby brothers & big sisters

I talked to my brother last night, he worries me. Little boy away at a big school with no big sister to take care of him. I miss that boy terribly, but I sure am glad when he checks in - I'm like a worried parent but I just can't help it. He said, "sister, why are you worried? I'm just fine" and I said, "because baby brother that's what big sisters do is care for their brothers!" lol. Much love to my baby bro who's off educating himself .... OU baby, OU!

There is nothing like the bond between siblings. I think it's the closest you feel to someone until you have your own kids. I mean every relationship that you have is different and everybody means something different in your life, but that care & concern and the undying love and comfort that you can give to a sibling, particularly a younger sibling is unmatched. My biggest dream would be to have my brother find a job up here when he's done with school so that we can be closer in proximity. We'll see - for now he's partying hard, lovin his new frat and working his ass off.... he said he hasn't really found any outlets for his music yet but one of the older guys in his frat plays and likes the same music, I hope he starts jammin with him soon. It wont be long til that boy has a pack of women following him around like Mick Jagger. HeHe.

Nothing is really new around here, just staying up with the Twilight books, anxious to finish them but trying not too go to fast at the same time. I'm worried that once I finish the fourth book I'm going to feel lost because there will be no more. Sigh. I can't believe how catchy these books are though, they truly just grab you and suck you in - it's a wonderful thing!!

So until I think of more to say tomorrow, I will leave you with *loud sigh* Edward Cullen:

twilight

<--- Twilight (bk 1) & New Moon (bk 2) on my nightstand

OMG - No time to write, in the middle of the Twilight Saga .... On book 4, chapter 9, I need to keep reading!! 1 book down, still three more to go (well two more after the one I'm on.) I've fallen in love with this series overnight - it's my new guilty pleasure, my new obsession!! It took me three days to finish book one, about 5 or 6 hours maybe in all. Tomorrow I'm off to see the movie, I'm nervous though because movies never match up to the book so we'll see. I'll be sure that I report.

I will write more soon, but it's off to bed I go - *sigh* - to be romanced by Edward!! HeHe

tomorrow if a golden train came to take you away....

Well my post have become more scarce and sporadic lately.... Can you tell I'm a busy, busy girl?

So all is well with the new car - got her registered, tested her emissions - she runs like a gem. Love her. Now she needs a name. "And I shall call (her) mini-me!" *evil Austin Powers laugh.*

Of course I am totally stoked about President Elect Obama. I still can't get enough politics. CNN is always on at our house (well when CSI & Survivor aren't!) We actually had our corporate executive meeting today & all looks well for my company, which is great news in this grim economy. We're doing very well, putting alot of money to the bottom line & EBITA. We're acquiring additional companies which is great news & we're even doing with money that we already have in the P & L. I just keep my nose to the grindstone, pound pound pound and do the job that I'm there for. Hard works pays off in the long run, and as our CEO put it, "now is not the time to bury your head in the sand. Now is the time to let your light shine." Well I hope you see mine sir, because I'm still here busting my ass day in and day out maintaining those valuable financial institution relationships that keep our company running. :)

Nothing really new to report. All is the same here really. I did take yesterday off which was great, I mostly did running around - washing my car, at the DMV, emissions etc. I did head up to Old Chicago for a bit though for the Holiday Tour kick off party - it was fun, no drinks for me though, which is a-ok. No drinkin & driving for this girl.

What's spinnin' in my CD player - well actually I found that the new Jeep has a 6 disc changer so I have the capacity to have 7 CD's in rotation, I know - totally awesome, right? I have two mix CD's in there (Sugarland, Matt Nathanson, Dixie Chicks, Keri Noble etc.), the HomeVibe's CD from the Walnut Room in September, Coles' CD "Gee Baby", Pink's new CD "FunHouse", Alanis Morrisette & Katy Perry. Oooh speaking of great songs, Justin Nozuka has a fantastic song called "Golden Train" that you've got to hear. He's got such a great voice, way more tantalizing than John Mayer if you ask me.

Kamden and I practiced his spelling words tonight - he's so smart, I just LOVE it! He has 10 regular words and there are 10 challenge words. The parents have to sign the child up for the challenge words, so after the regular words, the teacher gives the challenge words & the kids can participate in them if they'd like, or they can draw a picture on the back of their spelling test if they don't want to (they're only in first grade.) Last week Kam drew a picture, but I gave him the challenge words tonight and he got 8 out of 10 right, I told him that he's a genius and I hope he goes for the challenge words this week. We worked on the 2 he struggled with and I made him spell them to me a couple times and write each word 5 times. He had a hard time with 'begging' & 'leggings.' It's the double G. He really gets things when I work with him though, he likes it because I really boost his confidence, but I come down to his level to help him understand things & love watching that little light bulb turn on his head - it's so satisfying to me! He had a hard time with 'friend,' but we really worked on that one and he got it without such hesitation before the night was over. I love that darn kid!!

Well that's it for tonight. I'll leave you with a little "Golden Train:"

this weeks confessions

• I voted for Barack Obama & saw him crowned Victorious (Yes We Can!)


• I ate an entire box of movie theatre candy in one sitting


• I bought a new car - A Jeep Liberty (just like this one --->)


• I haven't prayed as often as I would have liked to


• I spent a wonderful evening with my girlfriend, close family & friends

yes we can! lets come together as one Nation ....

A powerful speaker, a proven man of his word. Accept him as your President as we all come together - "In the unlikely story of America, there has never been anything false about Hope"

See past the color, see through the biased media & become inspired by the "Yes We Can!" Marvel in this country's newest victor who will create great change by dividing all boundaries. We are America - one country, lets come together as one people of many colors & creeds. Promote tolerance, understanding, peace, equality & justice.

Obama for America - Not for Democrats - Not for African Americans - "Yes we can to opportunity & prosperity! Yes we can!" Get inspired & accept this great change, lets come together as one Nation under God - Indivisible.

YES WE CAN!

O-bama! O-bama! O-bama!

We did it! America chose to accept change and we have elected the first African-American candidate as the 44th President of the United States of America! How amazing. It clearly defines how times are changing that America can get past the lame perception that other races are inferior to the whites. If I've ever heard a crock of bull shit, prejudice is it. The black values system - what in the hell is that? Thank you to all of you who voted in this critical election, letting your voice be heard and electing Barack Obama to serve as the President for the next four (and hopefully eight) years! I truly believe in Obama and have backed him from the beginning. Although he may lack experience, I stand firm that he will lead us out of these poor economic times & turn this country around. Obama believes in equal rights for all Americans and I appreciate his honesty and fairness. Obama has worked hard throughout his campaign to prove that he is a highly educated, concise, emotional and powerful man. He deserves this victory as does America. I love living in a world where I am able to see this defining moment in history. Times are changing, friends & that's good news for you and me.

Congratulations Mr. Obama - We're proud to have you leading our country & I look forward to the times ahead! Yes We Can! Yes We Can! YOU DID IT!

senator mccain graduated 844 out of 849 students in his naval academy.... wow

As you can tell from my lack of communication, life has been crazy busy since returning from New York. Crazy in a good way though.

Monica had Lasik eye surgery on Wednesday so we've been all over the place for that, poor thing she's run ragged driving back to her appointments (way downtown) & just trying to make sure everything was in line prior to the surgery - she was soooo stressed. Her vision is already 20.20 and the doctor's said her vision will continue to come in much more clear. Monica did say it was much more painful than she thought it would be, but she knows how worth it everything will be in the end.

Halloween was a blast, went to a party last weekend as Obama and McCain - a total riot. We took the boys out trick or treating on Halloween night (it was a gorgeous night and I mean gorgeous!) then went to a party again last night. It was a fun filled weekend, but I'm also thankful it's another holiday down. ;) Christmas is already right around the corner.

But before Christmas is Election Day. In Colorado we can vote early almost the whole 2 weeks prior to Election Day, it's a great thing - minimal lines, business hours and Saturday voting - There is no reason to not cast your vote in this state! I do get nervous sometimes about Barack not winning. I know that Americans need him, I see that people are desperate and that these are very trying times... But sadly in many parts of this world, race still plays such a factor. Why? I just don't understand, I don't look at the man and see his color, I never have. I see a qualified candidate who speaks clearly and concisely, is in prime physical condition and will turn this economy around. But there are people everywhere that still carry that ignorance that because he's African American they just can't justify voting for him. But yet they'll vote for someone who's policies mirror George W Bush's, who will likely die in office, leaving the position to the most unqualified female politician that I can think of and who graduated #844 out of #849 students in his Naval Academy & is somehow not ashamed. I heard him say in an interview earlier this week, "sometimes I think, how did I get here? how could this be, someone who graduated in my position is here running for President." Wake up America, there is your fucking answer - the man is a complete tool! Oooh I just don't get it. So I'm just hoping that people do the right thing and get into that voting booth to make their voices heard - without voting, you have no right to even be concerned with where our economy stands, or any right to voice your opinion on policies and constitutional rights. Just shut up, or get in there and vote. And don't give me some lame ass excuse that because of his skin color he shouldn't be in office - This is not the fucking Civil Rights Movement, we're long past that!!!

Okay no more political soapbox for me until after the Election.

I'm buying a new car today - I will write more later once its actually in my possession. But it's a Jeep Liberty - a real looker if you ask me! *wink*

I better hop in the shower and get these dogs fed so I can go take care of this car deal .... Woo Hoo!

i'm baaaaack

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh - I'm finally home! After a 55 minute flight from Syracuse to Washington Dulles, a quick jaunt down the terminal and a four and a half hour flight from Dulles to Denver I am finally home! It felt so good to walk through the front door of my house!

My amazing girlfriend picked me up from the airport this afternoon & it was such a relief to get to see her face! After sleeping three lonely nights in a hotel room by myself, I want nothing more to crawl into my own warm bed tonight in the comfort of my own home. Hotels are most certainly fun, it's great to sleep in crisp sheets that smell like bleach with big fluffy pillows; but it is lonely - in every sense of the word, travelling for business can be miserable. Most of the time you're so caught up in getting here, getting there, wearing this, buying that but then you get back to your room and you realize that you really miss your real life.

The puppies were so excited when I got home, they were jumping all over me & wagging their tails 90 miles per hour. Haley still is quite aloof so that lasted for 20 seconds or so, but Jersey didn't want me to stop petting her. That's why I love dogs, they are so much like children - they love you no matter what you say or do, they just want you to love on them and they are yours for life, I would be so sad without them in my life.

I am off tomorrow because I took it as a personal day, a nice three day weekend to get my house organized and do a little spring cleaning - I'm really looking forward to that (there is a hint of sarcasm in there, but I'm actually not being entirely fecicious.)

I nearly forgot - the whole deal at the airport this morning .... Apparently a flight on it's way to San Fransisco had to do an emergency landing because smoke was detected on the plane. It was quite the ordeal I tell you what. Syracuse is a smalls airport so everyone could see what was going on. One of the girls who got off the plane sat next to me and told me what was going on, she didn't seem phased by it - hmmm.

Eden and I met Donna last night for dinner at DelMonico's in Syracuse and it was an absolutely wonderful! The two dogs are Donna's - she drove in from Rochester NY to meet us and brought her pups with her. The woman on the left of this picture is Eden, one of the corporate trainers from my work whom I travelled with on this trip & obviously the woman on the right is Donna. Her dogs were wonderful and a great treat for me because I had been missing Haley & Jersey so darn much!!

I just watched this video of a bird named "Einstein" - You have to check this out:

I'm completely exhausted from all of this travel, so I suppose I'm going to get ready for bed - how lame it's only 6:24 my time (but my brain thinks that it's 8:24!)

curiousity got the cat

Syracuse is a beautiful place, actually all of western New York is amazing! This trip was too short considering everything I would have loved to do, but this is the most time I've spent in New York ever. I was once here as a toddler, we took a family vacation to the Statue of Liberty and I think we were only in NY for a day or so overall.

I spent Monday and Wednesday night here in Syracuse and Tuesday night in Oswego. I was on a bank visit in Oswego (which is about 45 minutes NE from Syracuse) so I spent half day Tuesday and almost a full day on Wednesday there. Oswego sits on Lake Ontario, it's a port city with beautiful scenery, it's very quaint and calm which I love. The buildings are mostly older and are absolutely gorgeous.

Today it is raining; I'm in the airport waiting for my flight into Washington DC watching the rain sprinkle all over the runway, it's a gloomy day but a great day to be sitting in an airport with nothing to do! I was a little nervous this morning when I left the airport because it was raining terribly hard this morning & I wasn't comfortable finding my way back the the airport ... I did it though with no problems, so I was quite proud of myself. What I wasn't proud of was that when I returned my rental car I realized I didn't fill up the damn tank. There were no gas stations anywhere close, let alone trying to find one in the rain just wasn't a possibility. So are you ready for this? I was charged $7.49 per gallon. Luckily for me, I only used 3.3 gallons of gas, so it was just over $21, but jeesh really??

Okay, there are a million police cars and ambulances zooming down the highway, I need to go check out what's going on. Curiosity is getting the best of me now. I will write again soon!

chicago is so queeny ....

Where do I even begin? Today has already been quite the day and it's not even half way over yet!! I was up at 5 am this morning to get ready to catch my flight to Chicago. Unfortunately there are no direct flights into Syracuse so I have 2 flights this morning. Currently I'm sitting in the Chicago O'Hare airport at the Chili's restaurant having a beer, a sandwhich and a good laugh. The flight in was just fine (aside from the fact that the dude next to me had raging breath that I could smell the whole flight - I tried to not breathe, turn the air way up & turn my head the other way, nothing really worked) no turbulence or problems at all. It was actually an awesome flight - the clouds were spectacular today, so fluffy and beautiful; I dont remember the last time I have ever seen the clouds in the same way.

Now back to the laughing - I'm sitting near the bar and am close enough to hear much of the conversations occuring between the wait staff & the bartender, whom is Spanish speaking. There are a couple of servers also Spanish speaking who walk up to get their drinks, chuckle with one another in Spanish like no one else around them has any clue what they're saying. I'm far from fluent but I definitely understand enough Spanish to get me through & every other word out of this bartenders mouth is 'pinche' (a.k.a 'fucking') - lovely. That's not the point in me sharing this story though .....

I sat down at this table way in the back after the hostess so rudely asked me, "just one?" What in the hell does it look like lady - 'No! Party of 10!' The server who approched me was of Asian descent and never once mentioned her name. Let me mention that I was very prepared for her as I knew that a giant Bud-Light sounded beyond amazing.... I found something to satisfy my hunger & patiently awaited someone to approach the table as different servers had skimmed past the table about 10 times without saying a word to me. Finally came the woman whom I discussed before. She never asked how I was, introduced herself or mentioned any lucnh specials - instead she said, "oh, are you ready?" I said yes, ordered by beer and my sandwhich (sans tomato) and she walked off casually. She came back about 5 minutes later with not only the beer but the sandwhich as well - hmmmmm. Here's the kicker - not but 4 bites into the damn meal, she came back and said, "how is everything?" Before I could even respond she said, "I am leaving to take my break, I will be gone for about an hour & so is it okay if I drop your check down?" Oh the best part, she already had the reciept printed. Aggitated I reached for my wallet, through a $20 down and told her to just keep the change, but bring me a reciept. Really? You're going to give me the check and then leave when I've barely even began my meal? You could have let someone else take the damn table. I didn't want to leave her $4, but I didn't want to ever see her again - I was & still am a bit irritated. I kept the reciept to turn in for reimbursement & definitely had a laugh when the servers name turned out to be Queeny. Really, queeny? Aaaah the humor in the small things!

So that's that - I'm in O'Hare about finished with my beer & am gooing to walk towards my gate. My connecting flight into Syracuse isn't for another 2 hours yet but I'm going to make sure I'm ready, the last thing I need it to miss a flight!! I'm sure I'll write more tonight, I'm all by myself in New York until noon tomorrow.

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho it's off to the gate I go, with my lap top bagged and my suitcase rollin' - Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho!!!!

genius, pure genius

So here's the deal - I am in no way motivated to get packed for my NY trip tomorrow. I have to be to the airport by around 6:15 am to catch my flight at 8:11 am, however I only have one outfit laid out and haven't even picked a suitcase. I left my bathroom stuff together in a bag so that I didn't have to worry about taking care of that just a couple of days later. I have the final load of laundry in the washer right now, so at least I'm up to speed on that. And as you can tell, I'd much rather be goofing off than getting ready for my trip.

I am sitting in the kitchen and listening to my IPOD (through one of the counter speaker thingamabobs). Haley (my 8 month old boxer) was laying down next to me on the floor until she became very inquisitive of what that noise was. Jewel has a song called "Chime Bells" where she yodels & each verse she goes through she gets faster and faster. Haley got up off the floor in a hurry to walk over to the counter top trying to figure out what in the hell that was .... She's just do damn cute, she had her right paw pointed and her head tilted to her left side. As the yodeling got faster she started tilting her head from side to side, her ears moving up and down, but staying perfectly still with her paw pointing like she'd spotted a bird during hunting season. Ooooh she's so cute, that little monkey of mine.

If you want to see the part where Haley started to freak out, speed up to 2:07:



Speaking of Jewel - I got an email a couple of weeks back from "Jewel" that she had released a new DVD called "The Essential Songbook" it has live performances of all of her best songs - I think there are like 40 or 50. So of course, being the Jewel fanatic that I am, I hopped online & purchased it right away. And guess what!?! Yep, it came autographed, a fabulously awesome silver sharpie doodle right on the front cover. I was very happy with my purchase - and truly it's an awesome DVD, I'm glad she finally released this one.

Nothing is really new around here, the usual - I've been cleaning the house this morning so that I don't have to come home to a mop & sponge. Blah. I've got all of the drawers in the kitchen reorganized, the stove is clean from top to bottom along with the fridge. Now I just need to vacuum and mop the kitchen and we're one room down.

Oh yes, something is new - I'm very proud of myself for this one too..... During a meeting at work on Friday morning I spouted off the idea to turn one of our most commonly used forms into an electronic version, where the banks could get on a website or use a link through an email to order their equipment. Everyone was like, "that's a great idea, so much more simple than the paper form into fax." If something is wrong with an order form, we can't send it down (everything is electronic) for shipment, we must get a new form filled out. If we had an electronic form, it would prevent banks from leaving out information, it would stop billing issues (we're having problems with the wrong amounts being billed) & would allow us to make changes as needed once submitted. So my boss of course looks at me and says, "okay smarty pants, then I expect that by Monday morning." I didn't know what to say, I'm leaving early Monday morning for my trip, how in the heck am I supposed to turn a paper document (which is also saved in Word format) into an electronic form?? Well being my usual self I said, "no problem, you'll have it boss." She grinned at me like "ya, right!" So what did I do? I came home Friday night and started working on it. I worked on it until 2 in the morning & had it almost completed. I got up on Saturday and worked on it until 5 pm. And ta-da I have a completed form that totally rocks! I'm so proud of it. Of course it's not perfect, but the layout is wonderful, it's very user friendly & it will get the job done (at least serve as a template for IT to build the final version.) MAN, I'M A GENIUS, PURE GENIUS! Haha! So, I'll let you know how it all goes over. ;)

I guess I better go get packed - I hate doing things at the last minute, so I'll kick myself if I end up packing late tonight.

the armrest theives

I made it home from Texas last night around 10 o'clock. I'm still exhausted - I can barely keep my eyes open. I had a great time. It was so nice to spend time with Tracy, even though this trip was incredibly short, we still managed to have a blast. The training went well, it was a great experience for me because Tracy is so well versed in our industry, she's just wealth of knowledge & I find her very inspiring. I enjoy learning new things and knowing as much as I can about everything, so watching her train was wonderful! Tracy's a good egg, she's very motherly and always takes care of me - she's a wonderful person with a great heart and good soul, I'm blessed to get to work side by side with her & I couldn't ask for a better partner in crime.

CSI was awesome tonight, ooooh how I miss my fall television shows when they're not on. I have a feeling this will be the last season for CSI, too much has changed that it's hard to imagine they'll carry on with it. Grissom is leaving, Sarah's already gone (but apparently back as she's in next weeks episode as well) & Warrick is dead..... oh well, I still have my other shows. I'm not huge fan of TV, but I do have my 'can't miss' shows like Weeds, The L Word, CSI, WorkOut, The Biggest Loser & Survivor. Thank the Lord for TeVo!!

I'm off to New York next Monday, it's going to be a great trip.... I'm very excited. I adore the bank I'm going to see, I have a great working relationship with the main point of contact for this bank & we're going to have a wonderful time together. I look forward to helping them better understand what they're actually doing in this industry and helping them maintain & enhance their portfolio.

Nothing new really going on here. Family pictures are tomorrow, I have yet to iron. We're doing the casual jeans and white shirts thing. We haven't had family pictures since 2006 so we're definitely due. I am leaving work early to participate in the shindig, which I certainly can't complain about.

Well in closing I would like to give a friendly reminder to myself and to anyone else who would like to heed my advice, when booking a flight, don't ever forgo the seat selection, or you'll inevitably get stuck in between two men who don't know how to share armrests & selfishly keep their head right in front of the window ..... Oh ya, and listen for your seating arrangements to get called at the airport, so that when you fly southwest airlines who now does first come first serve seating based on your electronic check in time, you actually score a decent seat rather than besides chatty Kathy retired dude and eerily quiet nerd boy. Thankfully I booked in time to chose my seats for my trip next week & best yet, the plane is a small one (on the second leg of the flight from Chicago into Syracuse & Syracuse into D.C.) so I chose the side with only one seat so that I don't have to share my damn armrest and I can look out the window whenever I want - so there!

And so are the days of our lives .... sleep, eat, work, eat, sleep ..... *yawn*

yee haw, austin texas

Today is a great day! I am sitting at home on my laptop, in my pajamas working from home. I have yet to shower, am sipping on my coffee and watching the 'Today show;' I think that I would love working from home everyday. I've been quite productive today, but I'm not sure that it would really work for me on a daily basis - I do get alot of work done each day I'm in the office & it's much easier to be less productive when working from home.

Today's my Mom's birthday - the big 46, yikes! Hehe. I actually got her card off yesterday, which is a miracle for me because usually a buy the card, fill it out, put a stamp on it and somehow I find it in my glovebox or in some mysterious spot in my house. Talk about disapointment, being so scatterbrained and you do everything to get the damn thing ready and then it never actually hits the mail. Jeesh. I need to get on the phone with her to wish her a happy day. My mom and I used to have a tradition when I lived at home where she would wake me up at 7:01 am on my birthday, because that was what time I was born at. I loved it & I still ask her every year when she calls on my birthday why she didn't call earlier. It's strange those little traditions that we all carry & mean the world to us - you know? Happy Birthday Madre!

I started packing for the trip on Saturday so I think that I'm pretty well prepared. My flight leaves at 4:25 pm and I arrive in Austin at 7:35 pm. Not a bad flight (they're an hour ahead, so about two hours.) I am not checking any luggage, which I've never done before but it sure makes life easier. I did get a good laugh at myself while throwing the final things into my bag last night, for as 'un-girly' as I consider myself, I sure do pack like a woman. I am only in Austin for one night and took almost 3 complete changes of clothes, plus pajama's and the whole bathroom counter! The good news is, I managed to cram it all into one small bag - I'm not sure how, but I did. Oh and that included dress shoes too - man I'm good! I'll have my lap top and one carry on bag, which equates to more junk to lug around the airport, still much better than the airline losing my bag (which never fails, everytime I travel to Oklahoma city my bag seems to get lost. The past two trips my guitar has made it just fine & the rest of my luggage disapeers or comes in on another flight, which equates to a three hour wait at the airport until they actually locate your luggage. Grrrr)

Anyway, this is a short trip and I am sure it will be more hectic than it's all worth, but I can't complain. I get to travel the US for free with this job, and that's a great thing. Next week I'll fly into Syracuse, NY on Monday afternoon, head into Oswego NY (which overlooks Lake Ontario) and fly back out on Thursday. Originally I was supposed to fly out of Newark NJ on Saturday because I was planning an extra two day stay in NYC, but changed plans after realizing it was going to cost a pretty penny for the accomodations. I'll have at least another trip or two prior to year end and both will probably be to New York.

I'm a relationship manager for a living, I work with banks all over the country (my current portfolio includes half of Texas and most of the upper east cost - NY, MA, DE etc.). As you all know working with someone over the phone and email is much different once you meet them in real life & it truly makes your job more worthwhile. It's so much easier to get mad at a face you've never seen & a hand you've never shaken, once you've actually had that face to face experience with someone, you tend to have a little more patience for them - that's a great thing in my position. I look forward to getting out to these banks, as they are some of my biggest banks whom I speak with on a daily basis. I love my job & am truly grateful for my income, travel & privledges that come along with it.

So off to Texas I go..... yee haw y'all.

you're my brown eyed girl

I started writing another post about 30 minutes ago, it began about my parents divorce. Still as a 24 year old adult I struggle with my parents separation; I'm certain that I always will. My post took a turn away from my innermost issues as I started recalling the memories of my childhood. I will save the sordid chronicles of a divorced child for another day.

My father's mother died when he was just a young man, I believe that he was 13 years old or so. Her name was Linda, she had beautiful brown eyes, a great big heart with undying love for her husband and children. One of my favorite things to do is look through my dad's old photo albums. As crazy as it might sound, I have felt a connection to her throughout my life in many various ways, almost as if she were alive. I'm sure most of that connection was felt through the love of my great grandmother, my granny gowen.

Almost all of my childhood memories were formed in the hands of my granny & pappaw Gowen. I don't remember much about early years of childhood, in fact my memories don't really become clear until about age 6 or 7. Yet, somehow the memories involving my granny & pappaw are always burning bright. Whatever I asked her to do she would and without hesitation. I was the brightest shining star in her life, I meant everything to her. Looking back I wonder if I was my grandma reincarnate for her - if she felt that fierce connection to me because of her own loss. Was our connection correlated with the pain she experienced grieving the loss of her child? Those questions have run through my mind, when she looked into my beautiful brown eyes, did she see her precious baby girl? When she held me in her hands as a tiny infant, did she feel the warmth of my skin against hers the same way she did so long ago? I will never know, but I can speculate - and I have to believe that it's probably true.

My granny was a very gentle soul, she was love.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

I used to sit on the dryer to watch the train pass by. They lived on the outskirts of town & the track was right across the road from where they lived, through the trees, I would watch as each car of the train ran by. Granny would stand beside me holding me around the waist just enjoying the time together. Often times after the train would pass, Granny and I would look at the pictures that hung above the dryer, she kept a family tree & pictures of us all as children - I loved seeing those pictures, and to this day I still do. The train, the dryer & my granny; my most fond memories.

When my Dad was just a little guy he had a blanket and a stuffed dog named 'poncho.' Granny & pappaw kept poncho in a chest & he smelled of wood, cedar I believe. All things considered, he was in pretty good shape, no stuffing coming out of any holes, his eyeballs still in tact. I loved that dog, he took naps with me, he cuddled with me and I would suck my thumb while rubbing his floppy ears. I picture my dad as a little boy & his fascination with that dog, for as much as I enjoyed poncho's company, my dad was probably the most fond of him. I wonder if he's still around, lying in that chest? I'll have to check.

The next door neighbor was a wonderful woman & granny would tote me along with her on trips next door. I can't remember her name any longer but I do remember she always kept candy around, most often it was Werther's Original hard candies. I'm not sure who I loved more, that kind woman or her candy dish, I'm pretty sure it was a sugar induced love.

And of course, there's the sno-cone stand. One of my most fond childhood memories. In the middle of town there's a sno-cone shack, it's no bigger than an ordinary shed with tin walls and a small window to order through. In the humid head of south eastern Oklahoma, nothing cools you down like shaved ice. I took many trips to that shack & I always ordered the same old thing, a rainbow sno-cone. It didn't matter who was going to take me, but I was certain to get a sno-cone almost daily when I was around my grandparents. Often times my granny & pappaw would take me & if they weren't around that day then my grandma sara & grandpa wayland would take me. Where my parents live now it's a drive into the city to get a sno-cone, but I still can't pass up the opportunity to hit the shack, and of course I'll never deviate away from the rainbow flavor.

Probably the most devastating day of my life when I got the call from my father in February 1999 letting me know that my granny had passed away in her sleep. I remember doing everything I could to hold in my emotion while on the phone with him to not expose my weakness. After hanging up the phone I was instantly overwhelmed with grief. I had seen my granny just a few months prior, she looked healthy & well. She was happy and so grateful to see me. We spent time talking & we made homemade ice cream as a family. She had passed away in her sleep. My dad told me that she shared an orange with my pappaw, went to bed & sadly never awoke the next morning. I fell to pieces. I wanted to say goodbye, I wanted to kiss her one last time, I wanted to thank her for her undying love & express to her how much I truly loved her; knowing that you can't do that is the hardest thing to do. I didn't make it to her funeral, so instead my dad sent me a flower from her casket along with service arrangements. I still grieve the loss of my granny and no one ever crosses my mind as frequently as she does. When I've done something regretful, when I've celebrated a glorious day in my life, I can't help but picture her face, maybe say a few words in my head & sometimes get a tear in my eye thinking about how sad my life is without her. The loss of my granny was substantial & her death has left its mark on me. I know that she is happy on the other side, spending eternity with her daughter & eventually with the rest of her beloved family, but I can't help but miss her dearly each day that passes.

I am thankful for the beautiful brown eyes that I've inherited that were passed on to me from my granny, my grandmother & my father. The generations of my family live on through these brown eyes.

Be thankful for each day you have on this earth, for each hug you recieve, for each kind word from anothers mouth. And never forget the love that has been given to you from those whom you cherish, and remember - love is always patient & kind.

dont vote! who cares?

a moment to catch up?

Allow me to give a quick run down of my life in it's most recent days:

I'm engaged - to the most amazing person in the world! I've met the ONE! I've stumbled across the person who makes me happy in every which interpretation of the word, who is sensitive to my needs, takes care of me day after day & wants to share this one blessed life with me. (*laughing* right, I know.... with ME?) Yes, with me. How amazing is that? To feel an all encompassing love, full of joy, forgiveness, enlightenment and so much more. No matter what I do, I'm always in the arms of the one that I love. I've never looked forward to something as much I do now knowing that I will spend the rest of my life in this place. Our life together lacks faultlessness, but dwells on the beauty of imperfection. I am in love. Every day I find out something new about our love for one another, I give her a little more of me & I find a new piece of her soul to fall more in love with.

We helped welcome a new little life into this world on July 28th, one seemingly perfect baby girl. Merrit Marie was a gift in every way imaginable. Two people who recognized their inability to raise a child gave their precious gift to a family whom they knew would raise their creation & give her the best life possible. Monica's long time friends, Gina & Jeannine is that fortunate family. She is growing like a weed & we feel so lucky to be a part of her life! Her tiny hands have a way of reaching out and wrapping themselves around your heart the moment you have her in your arms.

I tell you what spending time around a newborn certainly makes you ache for your own - Monica & I both recognize our desire to become parents. We're working on it..... Step by step! We would like to share vows with one another first, it's a commitment that we've made to one another. I've known my entire life that I wanted nothing more out of my life than to be a mother. I have always been incredibly maternal, understanding my own calling to create & nurture another life. I look forward to the day that we bring a new life into this world. I hope that the day comes sooner than later! I have many feelings about motherhood that I would like to document, but I will save that for another post.

We bought our first house together in May 2006. We have a beautiful home full of charm. Our personalities are reflected in every room of the house. I look forward to coming home every day, not only because I know my future wife is waiting for me along with our awesome dogs (and cat), but because I love the comfort of our place.

Keeping up with the Jones'......

My parents live about 10 miles away from us. My parents have been there for me through many instances in my life, when I need them they are only a phone call away. They are so supportive of everything I set out to accomplish in my life - I appreciate that more than they will ever know! My Dad & Shellye are still in Broken Bow. I would love to back there with them, more than just once a year. I know that we couldn't make a life down there, it's just not feasible in the life that I have. But I miss them greatly. When I write I often think of my Dad, he too is a great writer - a man of many words, a fine tuned poet; I'm guessing I get my desire to write from him.

Nicolle is a sophomore in high school already (here in Colorado), my how time flies! I remember sitting in the wooden rocker in the intensive care unit just hours after she was born, holding her & now here she is almost ready to leave my parents with an empty nest! She is very involved in karate, she's a black belt already after just a few short years. She's also involved in her school choir, which she seems to enjoy. She sings soprano like our mother, I wish I had the range to hit the notes that the two of them can. When I hit them it often sounds like train wreck. I often wonder where Nicolle will be in ten years. I don't know, I still can't decide where I see her life going. I'm sure she still has at least another six years before she even has a glimpse of that herself - stay tuned.

My brothers are in Oklahoma (with my Dad & Shellye), too far away - I miss them every day. Zac recently started his first year of college at the University of Oklahoma. Boomer Sooner! He joined a fraternity, which is probably a good thing for him. Zac is an amazing musician, he was truly blessed with a talent unlike any other. I haven't heard anyone with his musical ability in a very long time. His current style is most like Jason Mraz or John Mayer. He's incredible on that guitar, running scales until his fingers bleed & finding his voice hiding behind the strings as well. Right now he says he wants to be a physical therapist, I personally am not sure of that decision, but I figure that he'll find his purpose at some point & I will be happy for him no matter what he chooses. I think that if he keeps pursuing it, he could have an amazing career in the music field.

Caden (a.k.a boy genius) is enjoying life as a 12 year old kid. He knows more about the world than most 25 year olds. Yet another one that I'm very curious to watch grow up. The boy is going to be a complete lady killer with his piercing blue eyes & his intelligent humor.

Kath recently remarried to a remarkable man named Dan.... they eloped. Schmoo is ridiculously huge, he just had a birthday and is enjoying his last few years of elementary school. He is very smart, a great soccer player, loves Pokemon & his Wii. Sam is the most amazing kid, he's so sweet - when he hugs you he really means it, he has such a gentle nature - he's one of a kind. There are points in my life where I knew I would be lost without Kath and Sam.

We are fortunate enough to live just a couple of blocks away from Monica's twin sister, Michelle & her family. We get to keep up with boys on a daily basis, watching them mature has been a very fun process for us.

Kaleb is in his freshman year of high school, has his first girlfriend & is more talkative than ever. He and I have a wonderful relationship, he has a great deal of trust and respect for me & he loves hanging around Monica and I more than any of the other boys. I have a deep love for Kaleb, I connect with him on so many levels, I enjoy our talks, teaching him new things & helping him understand his teen aged angst.

Carter is much like Caden, too smart for his own good. I love to sit down and listen to Carter, the child has an amazing understanding of the world around him, his own emotions & sense of self. I am also similar to Carter in many ways (not to toot my own horn), but I am a fairly intellectual person & I know that I've struggled in my life adapting to my surroundings, school was always difficult for me because I knew the material and chose to not apply myself - I see Carter do the same thing sometimes, he recognizes his own intellect. He is going to go so far in life. I love him, he gives the greatest hugs & has the most gentle eyes.

This is Collin's second year in middle school, he's most looking forward to playing sports I think. I've heard that when no one else is around he is a totally different animal than his normal shy self, he only talks when he has something very important to say & blushes when he talks about cute girls. The scariest part is that he's already becoming a man! *sigh* Collin is so handsome & polite, I love to hear him talk when he opens up. He's very smart & I enjoy when I have the opportunity to help him with his school work, he truly listens when I talk & most of what I tell him sets in.

Kamden is still just the baby monkey, he's in first grade this year. I was a little nervous seeing him transition into a full day of school (as we all were), but he seems to love it and is learning a million new things a day. He's so willing to fill his brain, when we spend time together I try to play educational games with him because he's a little sponge, he loves showing off his knowledge & taking in things he didn't know. He and I have always had a special relationship where he loves for me to teach him things, from counting to spelling.

My favorite holiday has always been Christmas, but over the past couple of years, I've grown quite fond of Halloween. Being in such close proximity to the boys, we spend each Halloween together. We always carve pumpkins together & hit the streets to trick-or-treat together. It's definitely a holiday that kids are just kids! It's just around the corner, where has this year gone??

I have been working for my company for just over a year. I've recently started travelling which is both exciting & nervewracking. Next week I will be in Austin Texas and the following week I will be in Oswego New York. The Austin trip will be just fine, however I'm quite nervous about the New York trip. The bank is about an hour away from the airport so I've had to really detail my plans. I'm a planner and organizer, I'm not good with chaos, so I have tried very hard to smooth things over for this trip, to make sure that all of my ducks are in a row and that I am well prepared. I think that I will be and I feel much more confident now that all of my plans are in place, but of course there is still that fear of being in an unknown place with little emotional safety (my life revolves around the safety I find in my love). So wish me luck. As Monica says, I'm going to be a little girl in a big city. I will let you know how it all pans out.

I could go on and on about all of the highlights in my life. I just want to say that I'm extremely happy with where I've been and where I am. My life is only going to get more exciting as the days pass, I truly look forward to that. I thank God for all of the amazing blessings in my life, my parents, Monica, my family both near and far, my education, my job, my friends, my freedom & the chance to live a complete life.

Goodnight.

it all started out as a joke....

I met my best friend for quick coffee break tonight & what I concieved as a simple joke soon smacked me square across the face - I'm going to start a blog! Everyone is doing it now a days, right? Why can't I? As we sipped our savory lattes I envisioned what it would really be like if I were to create a blog. Would I want it to be a journal of sorts, keeping track of my day to day routine? Would I want it to be one of sarcasm & wit giving everyone who reads this a glimpse into the inner gears of my mind? Would I want it to be serious, full of heartfelt emotions? Well, I've decided that regardless, I'm going to start blogging; and not for anyone elses sake but my own. This is dangerous territory that I'm about to embark on. It may turn out to me more of an experience than anything else.

When I was a young girl I started to keep a diary. I never worried about what anyone thought of the words that came from inside of me, I just wrote. Sometimes about what the weather was like outside, sometimes about the way my mother scolded me over my rotten actions & sometimes about the boys that I thought were cute in my grade school. As I aged I went through many more journals each entry becoming more mature & insightful. I learned that I was a person of many thoughts and feelings & that I could truly express myself through the pen in my hand. I kept a journal throughout most of my adolesence, and sadly as I moved on in life those translations were lost. After graduating high school I moved into about three different apartments in less than a year and half. In between each move, I lost more and more of my personal belongings. Awhile back I came to the starting realization that during one of my moves, I had completely lost my high school diploma. So as you can imagine, journals, diary entries and first hand accounts of my life through the years wound up in a dumpster somewhere.

I quit writing for a good while. I went through most of my teen years writing on a constant basis, song lyrics, poetry, letters to myself & short memos of my life in few words. Writing has always been a release for me, a way to cope with my own emotions, rationalize my decisions, sulk over losses, reflect on mistakes. I often stop to sit down & write, even if it's just for a few moments; but in the busy days of my life I rarely have the time to actually sit down & reflect. I'm hoping that in this age of technology, sitting down on the computer to write a blog will allow me a little more time to do such. (Remember, I was a child raised on a computer, I am no exception to my cliche' generation. Fortunately, I can type about as fast I talk.)

I am not starting this blog to let everyone stay up on my life, in fact at this point I dont know that I really even want anyone to read it. I am writing this blog for me. I'm going to document my life in a sense. I want to write again, keep up to speed on myself (I've been told I have the memory of a goat, so the more I document my life (in any shape or form), I figure the more I'll remember in my old age! HaHa) I tend to get caught up in the day to day & am hoping to be able to take some time out every now and again to let myself get lost in my writing. I'm not sure how this is all going to work - I'm sure that my writing style will change from post to post. Generally speaking, I write best when I am unguarded & I let the words flow freely out. I guess I'm going to start writing letters to myself. Maybe that's what I should name my blog? Letters to Myself ..... Hmmmmm

So it begins ......